Jupiter Ascending

Jupiter Ascending – 2015 – United States

Everybody I’ve ever talked to about this movie has one of two reactions. One: They have never heard of it. Or two: They think it’s a pile of crap. The Wachowskis (directors of The Matrix) are the sort of directors that wear their influences on their sleeves, and Jupiter Ascending is a good example of that. Someone once described it as “Stars Wars mixed with an anime”. I don’t know if that is a perfect summary, but it gets close.

Jupiter Ascending tells the story of Jupiter, a custodial worker from Russia who doesn’t realize she is actually the princess of Earth. An alien noble family wants her dead so they can claim Earth, harvest all its people, and process their bodies into a drug that makes people immortal. These aliens are some really bad folks. They are cruel and decadent, and they wipe out entire civilizations for the purpose of creating their life-giving elixirs. Coming to the aid of Jupiter is a super-soldier with pointy ears and cool boots that let him skate on air. Apparently he is half wolf. Also featured are alien greys, dragon people, and many varieties of rubber forehead-type aliens.