The Raiders of Atlantis

July 1, 2018 at 10:28 pm (3 Heads, Raiders of Atlantis) (, , , )

The Raiders of Atlantis – 1983 – Italy/Philippines

In the future year of 1994, American scientists accidentally raise the continent of Atlantis. The Atlanteans are Road Warrior-type freaks who wear spiked leather and drive motorcycles with blades on them. With axes, machine guns, and grenades, they attack the Caribbean islands, kill everyone, and turn the cities to scorched ruins. Two American mercenaries team up with a bunch of hapless victims and fight back with guns and Molotov cocktails.

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The Uninvited

July 1, 2018 at 10:23 pm (7 Heads, Uninvited, The) (, , , )

The Uninvited – 1944 – United States

On vacation in an English fishing village, two middle-aged siblings discover an abandoned seaside mansion. They track down its owner and buy the mansion for £1,200, which is absurdly cheap even in the 1940s. The locals believe the house is haunted, but the two siblings ignore the rumors. After all, the mansion is their dream home, and it even has a fireplace in the bathroom. The siblings move in together, which seems like a weird thing for a middle-aged brother and sister to do. The spooky occurrences begin immediately. Crying is heard in the middle of the night. Misty apparitions appear. Pets freak out. There is a scary seance. The brother falls in love with a local woman who grew up in the mansion. While visiting the house, she becomes possessed and suicidal. To exorcise the mansion’s ghost, the brother and sister must investigate the house’s secret history of infidelity and murder.

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Spirit Warrior

July 1, 2018 at 10:17 pm (3 Heads, Spirit Warrior) (, , , , , , )

Spirit Warrior – 1988 – Japan

Spirit Warrior (a.k.a. Peacock King) is a series of five episodic anime movies. This review covers Spirit Warrior: Revival of Evil and Spirit Warrior: Regent of Darkness since these two episodes form a single story arc.

In an alternate modern day reality, the Nazis have risen again and possibly taken over America. Lead by Fuhrer Siegfried, they fly around the world in their zeppelin (the Hindenberg) in pursuit of an artifact called the Dragon Orb. This orb, which is actually a skull, can apparently “engulf the world in darkness”. Kujaku, a Buddhist exorcist, joins forces with some Tibetan monks to stop the Nazis. Kujaku and his allies travel between Japan, America, Germany, and Tibet. Along the way, Kujaku discovers he is the reincarnation of the “god of light”, and his long lost twin sister is the goddess of darkness. The story ends with Kujaku and his sister in a spiritual battle for the fate of the world. After reconciling their differences, they both die.

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Phantasm II

July 1, 2018 at 10:06 pm (9 Heads, Phantasm II) (, , , , , , )

Phantasm II – 1988 – United States

Phantasm II
is the sequel to Phantasm (1979) and begins seconds after the first film ends. As Mike and Reggie are planning a road trip, their house is attacked by the Tall Man and his army of hooded dwarves. Reggie turns on a gas stove and obliterates the whole house in a spectacular explosion, but the Tall Man escapes. After the incident, Mike is put in an insane asylum.

Seven years later, Mike is released. He is haunted by psychic premonitions. When Reggie’s family is killed in another house explosion, Mike and Reggie take a road trip to find the Tall Man and destroy him. They rob a hardware store and arm themselves with a bunch of outrageous weaponry. Mike wears a welding mask and wields a pistol and a homemade flamethrower. Reggie builds a four-barreled shotgun and carries a chainsaw. In their bitchin’ muscle car, Mike and Reggie pursue the Tall Man through desolate highways and ghost towns. Along the way, they both meet girlfriends. The group reaches a destroyed Oregon town where the Tall Man manufactures his army of dwarves, killer robotic balls, and guys in gas masks. Mike and Reggie stage a commando raid on the Tall Man’s mausoleum and mayhem ensues. They blow up the Tall Man’s minions, inject the Tall Man himself with a tank full of hydrochloric acid, and light the mausoleum on fire. Of course, in the Phantasm series, nothing is that easy. As Mike and Reggie escape the burning mausoleum in a hearse, the Tall Man bursts through the car’s back window and snatches Mike. Mike says, “This is all a dream!” to which the Tall Man famously replies, “No. It’s not.”

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The Alien Factor

July 1, 2018 at 10:03 pm (4 Heads, Alien Factor) (, , , )

The Alien Factor – 1978 – United States

An alien spaceship carrying “zoological specimens” crashes outside a small town. The escaped monsters rampage through the snowy hills and kill people. One is a humanoid insect, another is a hairy giant, and the third is made of pure energy. The sheriff struggles to stop the invincible monsters. Meanwhile, the mayor hides the murders from the public. A friendly alien arrives in town disguised as a human. After destroying the monsters with futuristic gadgets, he is mistaken for a monster himself and shot to death.

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Venus Wars

June 2, 2018 at 3:35 pm (7 Heads, Venus Wars) (, , , , , )

Venus Wars – 1989 – Japan

A hundred years in the future, Venus is colonized by humans. The planet has been terraformed and has a breathable atmosphere, but it’s still a craggy wasteland wracked by acid rainstorms. The colonists live in rundown cities where they eke out a living in Venus’s faltering industrial economy. A young named Hiro and his gang of friends are professional rollerbikers. Rollerbiking is a dangerous, destructive sport resembling roller derby on single-wheeled motorcycles. When Hiro’s home city of Io is invaded by the neighboring country of Ishtar, Hiro and his gang become partisan guerrillas. They are joined by a spunky Earth journalist named Susan Sommers (who resembles the real Suzanne Sommers). They get recruited into a more organized rebel army, but their punk attitudes clash with the military leadership. Nonetheless, Hiro and his gang ride their motorized unicycles to war and destroy the Ishtar army.

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R.O.T.O.R.

May 13, 2018 at 7:48 pm (7 Heads, R.O.T.O.R.) (, , )

R.O.T.O.R. – 1987 – United States

Barrett Coldyron (pronounced “cold iron”) is a Texas rancher and robotics researcher. He is developing a robotic policeman code named R.O.T.O.R. (Robotic Officer Tactical Operation Research). Coldyron seems pretty cool. He has a cool mullet and wears sunglasses all the time, but he’s sort of a fascist. He says, “Either we control society, or it destroys itself.” He believes that only an invincible robot cop can protect people from their own anti-social behavior. Nonetheless, he is this movie’s hero.

A greedy politician forces Coldyron to deploy ROTOR before it’s ready. The robot goes berserk. It kills a guy over a traffic violation and stalks the guy’s wife across the country. Coldyron says, “ROTOR would walk through a bus full of nuns to get to a jaywalker. It’s like a chainsaw set on frappe.” Coldyron races to stop ROTOR. Unfortunately for him, ROTOR is super strong, performs motorcycle stunts, and can look backward through time. Coldyron shoots and wrestles ROTOR ineffectually for a while, but eventually discovers it can be paralyzed by a loud car horn. Coldyron lassos all of ROTOR’s limbs, ties the ropes to a car, and draws and quarters the robot. In the final scene, Coldyron is shot to death by his evil boss.

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Robo Vampire

May 7, 2018 at 12:26 am (5 Heads, Robo Vampire) (, , , , , , , )

Robo Vampire – 1988 – Hong Kong/Thailand

An evil Buddhist priest and a gang of heroin dealers use Chinese hopping vampires to kill the police. The “police” wear camo fatigues, carry grenade launchers, and know martial arts. A policeman is killed and resurrected as a cyborg warrior. He looks like Robocop mixed with a samurai, but made out of pillows and duct tape. The movie has a lot of fight scenes.

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Dragon Half

May 7, 2018 at 12:20 am (5 Heads, Dragon Half) (, , , , )

Dragon Half – 1993 – Japan

Mink is a half-dragon, half-human teenager in a sword and sorcery fantasy world. She is obsessed with a celebrity dragon slayer named Dick Saucer (who “sings like an angel and fights like a devil”), and goes on a quest to see him. She is joined by a teenage elf and a little girl with a killer mouse. Along the way, she is harassed by an evil king and his half-slime, half-human teenage daughter.

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Wishbone

May 7, 2018 at 12:16 am (3 Heads, Wishbone) (, )

Wishbone – 2000 – United States

Laurie is given an antique “wishbone” as a graduation present. What is a wishbone? It’s a magical statue made of orange plastic and covered with miniature skulls. If a person holds the wishbone and makes a wish, the wish comes true but a random person dies. After Laurie’s friends make a bunch of wishes, men in black hoods drive hearses into town and start stabbing people. Laurie defeats these demonic interlopers by wishing them out of existence. It’s that easy.

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