How to Make a Doll

May 21, 2017 at 6:18 pm (3 Heads, How to Make a Doll) (, , )

How to Make a Doll – 1968 – United States

Percy Corley is a scientist who is scared of women. He lives with his mother and drives an Isetta (like Steve Urkel from Family Matters). With another scientist named Hamilcar West, he programs a computer (with a punched card reader) to create beautiful subservient girlfriends. With a puff of smoke, nymphomaniac babes in underwear and high heels pop out of the computer and make out with the scientists. Getting tired of that, Hamilcar (somehow) transfers his mind into the computer and (somehow) teaches Percy to be a chick magnet. Percy balls women until he is sick of it and then settles down with a nice girl.

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Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust

April 30, 2017 at 10:19 pm (9 Heads, Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust – 2000 – Japan/United States

In the post-apocalyptic future, humans are hunted by vampires, werewolves, and mutants. In a frontier village, a vampire count kidnaps the mayor’s daughter. To rescue her, the mayor hires D, a half-vampire bounty hunter. D pursues the count across the country, followed by some tank-driving cyborg mercenaries known as the Marcus Brothers. The count intends to flee Earth in a spaceship, but D apprehends him. To D’s surprise, the mayor’s daughter is the count’s willing bride. Considering his melancholic life as a half-vampire outcast, D cannot accept the lovers’ relationship. A bloody duel ensues.

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Burning Dead

April 30, 2017 at 10:15 pm (5 Heads, Burning Dead) (, , )

Burning Dead – 2004 – United States

Jim returns to his hometown fifteen years after its destruction in a catastrophic fire. Although his memories are hazy, since that day, Jim has been haunted by horrific dreams. He is so disturbed that he can’t hold a job, meet a girlfriend, or stay in one place. To confront his fears, Jim drifts about his hometown, visiting people and places he once knew. His memory of the traumatic night slowly returns, and he suffers hallucinations of walking incinerated corpses. It turns out, as a boy, Jim was apprenticed to a Satanic priest. When the priest ordered Jim to sacrifice his sweetheart, Jim refused and lit the priest on fire, leading (improbably) to the town’s fiery destruction. Now, to put the burning dead to rest, Jim confronts his dark past and reunites with his lost sweetheart.

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Blood Cult

April 30, 2017 at 10:07 pm (4 Heads, Blood Cult) (, , , )

Blood Cult – 1985 – United States

Four sorority girls are eviscerated by a cleaver-wielding murderer. The investigating sheriff links the murders to a witchcraft cult, then discovers the killer cultist is his own daughter. Wearing a severed dog’s head as mask, she kills her boyfriend and then leaps off a building. Sorry if this plot summary is vague. The DVD I watched had no sound for the last 30 minutes so I had to make a few things up.

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Before I Die

April 17, 2017 at 1:46 am (4 Heads, Before I Die) (, , , )

Before I Die – 2003 – United States

Before I Die
is a horror anthology movie about a horror writer (with an interesting regional accent) who is writing a short story collection. One story is about a nymphomaniac who transforms into a humanoid spider and devours her sex partners. Approaching her victims, she licks her lips salaciously and says, “I love men. Yummy!” Another story is about some newlyweds at a haunted resort. Mostly they have sex in various swimming pools, but a ghost eventually appears. The last story is about a woman being killed by an asylum escapee. The movie ends with the writer becoming so entranced with his own horror fantasies that he inadvertently murders his wife.

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Dead 7

March 21, 2017 at 2:02 am (2 Heads, Dead 7) (, , , )

Dead 7 – 2000 – United States

Two meth dealers murder a deaf homeless kid by shoving him down a mineshaft. He rises as a zombie and kills the dealers and their girlfriends. Also involved is a corrupt cop (played by the director) and the homeless kid’s demented sister named Venus Equinox.

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Child Bride

March 21, 2017 at 1:55 am (1 Head, Child Bride) (, , )

Child Bride – 1938 – United States

This film is tasteless and disturbing.

On Thunderhead Mountain in the Ozarks, “back yonder folk” live in rustic squalor. They wear rags and sleep in shacks. Their only fun is to go swimming or drink corn liquor. Their one room schoolhouse has pigeons in the rafters that defecate on the students. It is tradition for the community’s men to marry “young ‘uns” since “there ain’t enough women”. A (comparatively) cosmopolitan teacher moves into town. She campaigns against child marriage and is nearly tarred and feathered for it. One man wants to marry a particular 11-year-old girl. He murders the girl’s father and blackmails her mother until she consents to the marriage. Thankfully, he is shot to death before the marriage can be consummated. Eventually, child marriage is made illegal.

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Hollywood Vampyr

March 9, 2017 at 1:39 am (4 Heads, Hollywood Vampyr) (, )

Hollywood Vampyr – 2002- United States

Hollywood Vampyr is set in the Los Angeles goth scene. The story details a power struggle between two “coven” leaders called Anubus (not Anubis) and Blood. They open competing goth nightclubs, but their rivalry isn’t about business. Anubus strives to create an inclusive goth scene, celebrating the individuality of its members. Meanwhile, Blood’s morbid philosophy and violent attitude isolates the goths from the outside world and leads to the suicide of two young women. Caught in the middle of the conflict is Fatal (a pregnant woman) and Tom (who just discovered he is gay).

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Invitation

March 9, 2017 at 1:32 am (4 Heads, Invitation) (, , , )

Invitation – 2003 – United States

Some kids are playing sandlot baseball. During the game, a dorky fat kid runs into the street and is killed by a truck. Years later, the other kids become adults and are invited to a mysterious reunion. They spend the weekend at a spooky inn run by a sinister caretaker. The inn is haunted by ghostly children. The guests drink beer, roast marshmallows, and swap childhood anecdotes. One by one, they are tormented and murdered by the ghosts. After everyone dies, it is revealed that the ghost of the dorky fat kid did it all for revenge.

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Manborg

February 18, 2017 at 11:56 pm (8 Heads, Manborg) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Manborg – 2011 – United States

Following the Hell Wars, Nazi vampires from Hell (who look like cenobites from Hellraiser) enslave humanity. Manborg is a cyborg gladiator incarcerated by the vampires in a high-tech prison. He teams up with Justice (a wise-cracking Australian), Mina (a blue-haired girl who looks like an anime character), and #1 Man (a martial artist) to destroy Count Draculon and his legions of vampires, mutants, and robots.

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