The Phantom Empire – 1988 – United States
Every time I watch a movie directed by Fred Olen Rey, I always expect to like it more. I enjoy wacky, campy, everything-but-the-kitchen-sink genre movies, and Fred Olen Rey made a career out of them. The Phantom Empire is about Indiana Jones-like explorers facing mutant cannibals, dinosaurs, robots, Neanderthal babes, and alien babes in the Hollow Earth. Now, obviously, that sounds extremely promising.
Continue readingI Was a Teenage Movie Maker – 2006 – United States
I Was a Teenage Movie Maker is a documentary about the amateur sci-fi, horror, and superhero movies of Don Glut. You might be wondering: “Who is Don Glut?” Good question. He wrote a bunch of screenplays, comics, and novels, including a novelization of The Empire Strikes Back. He also directed some B movies and was even in a rock band. In short, he is a super creative dude on the fringes of the entertainment industry, and someone made this documentary about him.
I Was a Teenage Movie Maker describes Don Glut’s life as a dinosaur-obsessed kid and horror-obsessed teenager in Chicago in the 50s and 60s. He made lots of silly movies about dinosaurs, superheroes, and Universal-style monsters. The documentary features lots of clips from these movies. The movies are pretty crappy, but considering they were made by a kid, they are actually sort of incredible. The imaginative, homemade special effects are charming. Dolls fly around on wires, and model cars get blown apart by fireworks. There is plenty of stop motion animation.
Continue readingDoggy Poo – 2004 – South Korea
Why did I watch this movie? Good question. I saw a trailer for it on an anime DVD, and I just had to know what it was all about. Looking back on it, I’m not sure why. In any case, Doggy Poo is a Korean stop motion animated children’s movie about a pile of dog excrement having an existential crisis.
Continue readingRobot Wars – 1993 – United States
Tubi is streaming tons of Full Moon movies for free. I’m so happy I could cry.
Robot Wars is not a very prestigious entry in Full Moon Features’ already not very prestigious catalog. In a vaguely post-apocalyptic future, the United States has fractured into a bunch of independent governments. One government owns a giant robotic vehicle that looks like a scorpion and has a totally powerful laser in its tail. Apparently, this robot is very old and very awesome so a competing government steals it. On a mission to recover the stolen robot, a hotshot pilot finds an equally old and awesome robot and pilots it to battle the scorpion robot into submission.
Puppet Master: The Legacy – 2003 – United States
Puppet Master: The Legacy (a.k.a. Puppet Master 8) is an especially uninspired and lazy entry in the Puppet Master series. A hitman (presumably employed by some shadowy government agency) is seeking Andre Toulon’s secret formula for immortality. She follows clues to the Bodega Bay Inn, the site of several other Puppet Master movies. There she meets and violently interrogates a man named Peter—the new controller of Toulon’s killer puppets. Peter is the same Peter who appeared as young boy in Puppet Master 3: Toulon’s Revenge, but is now an old man. The hitman and Peter debate the morality of Toulon’s actions. Illustrating their pointless dialogue are extended clips from all the other Puppet Master movies (aside from the original Puppet Master, strangely enough). In the end, Peter and the puppets kill the hitman, then the puppets turn on Peter. Maybe. It’s not really clear.
Ewoks: The Battle for Endor – 1985 – United States
Ewoks: The Battle for Endor is a spin off of Star Wars Episode 6: Return of the Jedi and a sequel to Caravan of Courage: An Ewok Adventure. Battle for Endor takes place immediately after its prequel. Cindel, the young heroine of Caravan of Courage, and her family are living with the bear-like ewoks on the forest moon of Endor. Cindel’s father is repairing the family spaceship so they can leave the planet and go home. Five minutes later, the ewok village is ravaged by reptilian barbarians with lasers. Cindel’s entire family is killed, and all the ewoks are abducted. Only Cindel and her ewok pal Wicket manage to escape.
Retro Puppet Master – 1999 – United States
Retro Puppet Master (a.k.a Puppet Master 7) is a prequel to the original Puppet Master. Like Puppet Master 3: Toulon’s Revenge, Retro Puppet Master details the young life of puppet maker Andre Toulon. In this movie, Toulon is a young man running a puppet theater in early 20th century Paris. One night, a wounded Egyptian sorcerer arrives at his door. Before the sorcerer dies, he teaches Toulon a magic spell to animate puppets using the souls of the dead. Soon after, evil Egyptian demons (in sunglasses and bowler hats) arrive to kill Toulon and destroy the spell forever. They zap Toulon’s friends with magic and kidnap his girlfriend. Toulon transfers the souls of his friends into puppets. Together they go kill the demons.
Curse of the Puppet Master – 1998 – United States
Dr. Magrew (who isn’t a real doctor) runs a museum of curiosities somewhere in the South. In his collection are Andre Toulon’s living puppets, which are now friendly and domesticated. Obsessed with making a living puppet of his own, Magrew hires a local woodcarver named Robert “Tank” Winsley to carve the perfect puppet body. Robert is a dimwitted but talented carver, and he begins carving the puppet with possessed fury. The plot thickens as local police question Magrew about the disappearance of his last assistant—another woodcarver. Also, Robert and Jane, Magrew’s daughter, fall in love. Magrew opposes the relationship and says ominously to Jane, “Don’t get attached to Robert. He might not be around forever.” Eventually, Robert finishes carving the puppet, which looks like a 1950s-style robot. Magrew lures Robert into a magic ritual and transfers Robert’s soul into the puppet. Enraged at Magrew’s betrayal, Robert shoots a lightning bolt from his robot arm and incinerates Magrew. The movie ends suddenly as Jane witnesses the murder and screams, “ROBERT! NO!”
Caravan of Courage: An Ewok Adventure – 1984 – United States
Caravan of Courage: An Ewok Adventure is a made-for-television spin-off of Star Wars Episode 6: Return of the Jedi. In the Star Wars continuity, Caravan of Courage takes place an indeterminate amount of time before Return of the Jedi.
Mace and Cindel are two kids stranded on the forest moon of Endor. Their family’s shuttle has crashed and they are separated from their parents. Cindel is a friendly little girl. Mace is her impulsive high-strung older brother. While searching for their parents, the kids encounter a tribe of ewoks, Endor’s cute bear-like natives. The ewok shaman performs a divination ceremony involving an over-sized dreidel and tells the kids that their parents have been abducted. The adults are imprisoned by the Giant Gorax in the ominously named Forbidden Land.
Puppet Master 5 – 1994 – United States
Puppet Master 5 takes place immediately after Puppet Master 4. It features the same characters and includes a flashback with scenes from its prequel. Sutek, the skull-faced demon from the Hell dimension, is still out to destroy Toulon’s ghost and steal his magic serum. Rick, the teenage genius from Puppet Master 4, teams up with Toulon’s puppets to stop Sutek. Sutek summons the same miniature imp monster from Puppet Master 4, and the puppets chase it around the Bodega Bay Inn. A greedy business tycoon is also at the scene. He wants to find Toulon’s serum and sell it the U.S. military. Of course, he gets killed. In the end, Toulon’s puppets destroy the imp, which shouldn’t be surprising. In Puppet Master 4, they beat four of the little monsters. In this sequel, they only had to fight one.
Video Vodou 