Coach

May 31, 2015 at 8:58 pm (5 Heads, Coach) (, , , , , )

Coach – 1978 – United States

Coach
is set in an unrealistic high school full of romantically aggressive girls, outspoken sexist boys, and pathetic dweeby nerds. The chauvinist principal accidentally hires a female coach (who is also an Olympic medalist) for the boys’ basketball team. To avoid being fired, the coach must lead her team to victory in every game without fail, all while enduring audacious sexual harassment. Then again, she provokes this by wearing shorts that her ass cheeks hang out of, and also by having sex with one of her students. Eventually, the coach transforms her mediocre team into champions, and earns the love and admiration of everyone.

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Prime Evil

August 5, 2014 at 1:52 am (4 Heads, Prime Evil) (, , , , , )

Prime Evil – 1988 – United States

Thomas Seaton (sounds like Satan) is an immortal priest leading a Satanic cult with his hypnotic powers. Every thirteen years, the cultists sacrifice a virgin to maintain their eternal youth. When a handsome young woman is targeted, a nun infiltrates the cult and apparently stabs Satan to death.

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First Spaceship on Venus

May 4, 2014 at 10:33 pm (4 Heads, First Spaceship on Venus) (, , , , , , )

First Spaceship on Venus – 1960 – Germany/Poland

In the near future, a crystalline cylinder of alien origin is unearthed in the Gobi Desert. Narration attempts to link this to the 1908 Tunguska explosion, but the relationship is poorly explained. The cylinder is a coded message from Venus, so a multi-national crew of astronauts rockets to Venus to investigate. In space, they crack the code and discover the message is a plan for a Venusian invasion of Earth. When the astronauts land on Venus, they discover an advanced civilization destroyed by atomic war. However, the alien machines are still active, and various people are killed by automated security, radiation, and mundane accidents. The surviving astronauts eventually return to Earth, warning the people of the dangers of atomic weapons.

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Superchick

March 30, 2013 at 5:15 am (7 Heads, Superchick) (, , )

Superchick – 1973 – United States

Tara B. True is a prudish stewardess for Crown International Airlines. Removing her brunette wig, she morphs into a sassy independent blonde with a different boyfriend in every city. In New York, she loves a bear-like brain surgeon whose germaphobia prevents physical intimacy. They dine in a bath atop a polar bear rug, listen to jazz music and moan orgasmically, and play blackjack in bed with giant novelty cards. In Miami, she loves a beach bum playboy. Overcome by gambling debts, he sells her out to mobsters. In Los Angeles, she loves an insecure rock idol. Together they compose a masterpiece called Filthy Funk in F by screwing inside a piano. Other kinky characters include a studly African-American hippie, John Carradine as a geriatric sadist with a torture dungeon, and a porno producer making a nudie war film called “Boobs Away”. Every dude wants to marry her, but Tara’s free spirit refuses to be tied down. She needs to live life to the funnest.  Between balling everybody, she tokes up at groovy parties, beats up a biker gang, and becomes a karate master.

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The Crater Lake Monster

August 14, 2012 at 1:43 am (4 Heads, Crater Lake Monster) (, , , , , , , )

The Crate Lake Monster – 1977 – United States

The Crater Lake Monster is producer/writer/director William R. Stromberg’s only credit. The cast and crew are similarly nameless aside from stop-motion animator David W. Allen whose effects work includes Equinox (1970), Flesh Gordon (1974), The Howling (1981), Q (1982), The Stuff (1985), Willow (1988), Honey, I Shrunk the Kids (1989), Puppet Master (1989), and numerous others. Apparently, he even animated the Pillsbury Doughboy.

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Hustler Squad

November 26, 2011 at 4:01 pm (4 Heads, Hustler Squad) (, , , , )

Hustler Squad – 1976 – Philippines

As an obscure American/Filipino co-production, Hustler Squad’s only recognizable name is Crystin Sinclaire—also in Eaten Alive (1977). I dig Filipino flicks. The works of producer/director Eddie Romero are favorites: Mad Doctor of Blood Island (1968), Brides of Blood (1968), The Beast of Yellow Night (1971), and Beast of Blood (1971). But Hustler Squad isn’t as energetic or imaginative as all that. Write it off as another dubious Crown International Pictures cheapie.

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Las Vegas Lady

April 18, 2011 at 1:35 am (7 Heads, Las Vegas Lady) (, , , , )

Las Vegas Lady – 1975 – United States

A title like Las Vegas Lady can go many intriguing directions (call girl, gambler, gumshoe), all promising tough, sexy action. Actually, Las Vegas Lady details an infantile casino heist lacking any hardboiled elements (other than inspiring cleavage). Adorable Stella Stevens and rugged Stuart Whitman are hardworking veterans of hundreds of forgotten flicks in many genres. Here’s one more.

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Policewomen

March 21, 2011 at 1:35 am (5 Heads, Policewomen) (, , )

Policewomen – 1974 – United States

Policewomen is yet another exploitationer about feisty gals empowered to beat up men but who still need tender loving. Drive-in/grindhouse audiences cream over this, evidenced by endless biker babes (She-Devils on Wheels, The Hellcats), female felons (Chain Gang Women, 10 Violent Women), and mercenary mommas (Hustler Squad, The Muthers). Crown International Pictures are virtuosos of this genre and Policewomen is no exception.

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The Beach Girls

March 12, 2011 at 1:48 am (7 Heads, Beach Girls) (, , , )

The Beach Girls – 1982 – United States

Recipe for The Beach Girls: Stir together equal parts AIP’s Beach Party, juvenile delinquent flick, and porno. Sprinkle jokes and racial stereotypes. Blend until tasteless. Starring a cast of no name dames and one Playmate, Beach Girls is brain-dead fluff, but not boring. Compared to modern teen mush, it’s quite extreme, and a great example for the world’s youth on how to be cool and stay loose.

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Trip with the Teacher

August 8, 2010 at 11:25 pm (7 Heads, Trip with the Teacher) (, , , )

Trip with the Teacher – 1975 – United States

Despite a bikers-rape-coeds plot, Trip with the Teacher transcends sleaziness with touches of gritty intensity. Similar to The Sadist (1963) in tone and content (although not such a masterpiece), Trip with Teacher bends clichés and injects emotion into its exploitative premise—a suspenseful, gripping flick regardless of lowest-common-denominator mindset.

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