Panic

July 2, 2017 at 8:31 pm (3 Heads, Panic) (, , , )

Panic – 1982 – Italy/Spain

An experiment goes awry and a scientist is infected by a deadly bacteria. He degenerates into a freakish mutant and stalks the streets of a small Italian town. A corporation and the government try to conceal the accident. They quarantine the town and debate whether to kill all the inhabitants with nerve gas. A special agent for the military (named Captain Kirk of all things) is sent in to find and kill the mutant before the creature can spread its infection. He teams up with a sexy lady scientist, but surprisingly, they don’t hook up unless I fell asleep and missed it. In the end, the mutant is killed and the town is spared the horrors of nerve gas. After the credits, a message says, “What you have seen might really happen… Perhaps it already has.”

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The Ghost

May 21, 2017 at 6:07 pm (6 Heads, Ghost, The) (, , , )

The Ghost – 1963 – Italy

Scotland, 1910: In a Gothic mansion, a doctor (Dr. John Hichcock) researches a treatment for his own crippling injuries. His questionable cure involves injecting himself with a cocktail of lethal poisons. He is depressed and suicidal, and constantly seeks pity from his assistant (Dr. Charles Livingstone) and his wife (Margaret Hichcock). When Margaret stops him from committing suicide, he says “Let me do it. I’m just a living corpse.” Eventually, Margaret and Charles hook up. Margaret nags her lover to kill her pathetic husband, so Charles gives the old man an extra helping of poison.

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The Ark of the Sun God

November 29, 2016 at 3:55 am (6 Heads, Ark of the Sun God) (, , , )

The Ark of the Sun God – 1984 – Italy

Rick Spears is a professional burglar. While traveling in Turkey, he is hired to break into the lost Temple of Gilgamesh and retrieve Gilgamesh’s legendary scepter. Also competing for this prize is a Turkish prince and a mysterious cult.

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Suspiria

October 16, 2016 at 11:45 pm (10 Heads, Suspiria) (, , , , , )

Suspiria – 1977 – Italy

Suzy, an American woman, enrolls in a German ballet school. She arrives late at night in a torrential downpour. The door is locked and she is told to go away. She sees a panicked woman flee into the woods. The next day, Suzy returns to school to discover the fleeing woman was murdered later that night. Suzy begins training at the school and the ominous events escalate. Maggots infest the dormitory. A friendly dog goes berserk. Suzy suffers from a mysterious illness. Her friend believes the faculty is a coven of witches. When her friend disappears mysteriously, Suzy investigates the school’s mysteries.

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The Blancheville Monster

September 19, 2016 at 3:27 am (4 Heads, Blancheville Monster) (, , , )

The Blancheville Monster – 1963 – Italy/Spain

France 1884: After attending college in England, a young woman returns to her ancestral castle. Since her father recently died (under mysterious circumstances) and her favorite servants have left, the castle is now a foreboding place. Furthermore, she learns of a family prophecy indicating that her family will die if a girl child ever reaches the age of 21. Predictably, the young woman’s 21st birthday is in 5 days. Also predictably, her father is not really dead. Disfigured and insane, he stalks the castle, trying to prevent the prophecy by killing his daughter with the power of hypnosis.

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Murder Mansion

September 4, 2016 at 9:48 pm (4 Heads, Murder Mansion) (, , , , )

Murder Mansion – 1972 – Spain/Italy

A disparate group of people (including a biker, a hitchhiker, a lawyer, a socialite, and a womanizer) get lost in a foggy mountain valley. They arrive at an abandoned mansion next to a graveyard and decide to stay the night while the fog clears. Some of the people know each other and appear to be involved in a criminal business. The various characters bicker and have sex. Local legends suggest vampires once lived in the mansion, and before long, a creepy old woman and her disfigured chauffeur appear and begin killing people. In actuality, the old woman and the chauffeur are two of the stranded travelers in disguise. Their plot is to drive the others insane with fear to prevent some kind of business deal. Maybe. The plot is a little unclear.

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The Island Monster

May 10, 2016 at 1:10 am (3 Heads, Island Monster) (, , , )

The Island Monster – 1954 – Italy

On an island resort in southern Italy, gangsters smuggle drugs. Their leader is Don Gaetano (played by Boris Karloff), a kindly old man who runs a “home for sick babies” as a front for his drug operation. A police detective comes to the island. To infiltrate the smuggling gang, he kindles a romance with one of the female gangsters (a sultry nightclub singer). The detective’s cover causes friction with his wife. Things get even more personal when the gangsters kidnap his daughter. After the child is kidnapped, the nightclub singer has a change of heart and quits the gang. She and the detective (with the help of an impossibly smart dog) bust up the drug operation.

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Hands of Steel

January 13, 2016 at 2:55 am (5 Heads, Hands of Steel) (, , , , )

Hands of Steel – 1986 – Italy/United States

Where: Arizona. When: The Near Future. Pollutants poison people, homelessness is abundant, and a ubiquitous political slogan proclaims, “You Have No Future”. A greedy corporate tycoon produces a cyborg assassin (named Paco) to eliminate an environmental activist. Paco goes rogue and flees into the desert. He stays at a seedy truck stop and develops a romance with the bartender. Paco ruminates on what it means to be human, but is interrupted by bloodthirsty mercenaries. The film’s climax is a series of martial arts fights, gunfights, car chases, and helicopter chases. Being super strong and bulletproof, Paco decimates the bad guys. In the finale, Paco is shot in the head and discovers that even his brain is electronic. He goes insane while speculating that he may never have been human to begin with.

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Hercules Unchained

December 3, 2015 at 3:11 am (6 Heads, Hercules Unchained) (, , , , )

Hercules Unchained – 1959 – Italy/France

After adventuring abroad, Hercules returns to Greece. He is disturbed to find that Oedipus, the former king of Thebes, is a blind outcast. Oedipus’ two power hungry sons war for control of Thebes. On a diplomatic mission, Hercules negotiates between the two warlords. He is sidetracked when he accidentally drinks the “water of forgetfulness”. While suffering from amnesia, he is kidnapped by Queen Omphale of Lydia, and duped into being her lover. Hercules is eventually rescued by Ulysses, and the two team up to save Thebes from war. The film ends with an epic duel between Oedipus’ sons, followed by an epic battle between their armies.

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A Bay of Blood

August 10, 2015 at 1:36 am (5 Heads, Bay of Blood) (, , , , )

A Bay of Blood – 1971 – Italy

After a wealthy countess is murdered, her heirs and some real estate investors angle for control of her bayside manor. Their conniving results in a bloody free-for-all as the various parties murder each other for reasons of greed and revenge. Most of A Bay of Blood takes place in a single night as thirteen murders are gorily committed (mostly with a billhook). Plot and character development are sacrificed for nonstop mayhem. The film begins as a man hangs his wheelchair-bound wife with a noose, just before being stabbed himself. The film ends with two children accidentally shooting their parents to death while playing a game.

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