The Crate

September 25, 2017 at 12:00 am (3 Heads, Crate, The) (, )

The Crate – 2007 – United States

While fishing, some yokels reel in a wooden crate from 1775. When they open it, a horned demon materializes and attacks. Some of the yokels survive. One is the town’s mayor who covers up the incident to prevent mass hysteria. When the killings continue in a local park, two police detectives, some young people, and a news anchorman investigate. The result is a bloodbath as the demon rends people with its claws, controls people’s minds, and yanks out their still-beating hearts. Eventually, after being shot numerous times, the demon is killed by a blow from a gardening hoe. Go figure.

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Brain of Blood

September 24, 2017 at 11:39 pm (3 Heads, Brain of Blood) (, , , , )

Brain of Blood – 1971 – United States

In the fictional Muslim nation of Kalid, the benevolent leader Amir is on his deathbed. His doctor and his much younger wife take him to America to undergo an experimental brain transplant. It’s too bad that Dr. Trenton, the surgeon behind the transplant, is nefarious and totally insane. He lives with a dwarf and a deformed giant named Gor. He keeps a young girl chained up in his dungeon and drains her blood. And, of course, he screws up the transplant operation. Amir’s brain ends up in Gor’s body. When Amir recovers, he goes on a homicidal rampage. Eventually, Dr. Trenton neutralizes him with a ray gun. In the downbeat ending, the doctor controls Amir and takes over Kalid from behind the scenes.

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Dark Cat

August 13, 2017 at 6:34 pm (3 Heads, Dark Cat) (, , , , )

Dark Cat – Japan – 1991

Teenagers Hyoi and Ryoi are sibling “Dark Cats”—cat shapeshifters with spiritual magic. After transferring to a new high school, the Dark Cats sense an evil presence. Their old master (an ogre-like Dark Cat) has turned bad and is using the negative energy of teenage emotions to transform students into monsters. A young girl, depressed by her unrequited love, becomes an amorphous mass of writhing eyeball-studded tendrils. Hyoi and Ryoi use their magic and martial arts to destroy her.

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Panic

July 2, 2017 at 8:31 pm (3 Heads, Panic) (, , , )

Panic – 1982 – Italy/Spain

An experiment goes awry and a scientist is infected by a deadly bacteria. He degenerates into a freakish mutant and stalks the streets of a small Italian town. A corporation and the government try to conceal the accident. They quarantine the town and debate whether to kill all the inhabitants with nerve gas. A special agent for the military (named Captain Kirk of all things) is sent in to find and kill the mutant before the creature can spread its infection. He teams up with a sexy lady scientist, but surprisingly, they don’t hook up unless I fell asleep and missed it. In the end, the mutant is killed and the town is spared the horrors of nerve gas. After the credits, a message says, “What you have seen might really happen… Perhaps it already has.”

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How to Make a Doll

May 21, 2017 at 6:18 pm (3 Heads, How to Make a Doll) (, , )

How to Make a Doll – 1968 – United States

Percy Corley is a scientist who is scared of women. He lives with his mother and drives an Isetta (like Steve Urkel from Family Matters). With another scientist named Hamilcar West, he programs a computer (with a punched card reader) to create beautiful subservient girlfriends. With a puff of smoke, nymphomaniac babes in underwear and high heels pop out of the computer and make out with the scientists. Getting tired of that, Hamilcar (somehow) transfers his mind into the computer and (somehow) teaches Percy to be a chick magnet. Percy balls women until he is sick of it and then settles down with a nice girl.

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The Witches’ Mountain

February 5, 2017 at 10:36 pm (3 Heads, Witches' Mountain) (, )

The Witches’ Mountain – 1975 – Spain

In the first scene of The Witches’ Mountain, a woman returns to her house and discovers something amiss. One of her wigs has been cut up, a doll has been impaled, and her cat has been killed. It’s the work of a little girl (maybe the woman’s daughter) and her pet snake. The woman then lights the bratty girl on fire. This scene is mostly unrelated to the rest of the film.

A photographer breaks up with his girlfriend (the woman in the first scene) and takes a trip to the mountains where he meets a beautiful new girlfriend. The photographer and his girlfriend stay in a decrepit mountain village occupied by a single old lady. Roaming through the woods is a coven of witches who kidnap the travelers and abuse them in magic rituals.

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When Heaven Comes Down

January 16, 2017 at 11:19 pm (3 Heads, When Heaven Comes Down) (, , )

When Heaven Comes Down – 2002 – United States

The Savior is a serial killer in a mask, a trench coat, and a crazy wig. He is looking for a morally pure woman to “carry his seed”, and kills anyone that does not meet his expectations. He kidnaps a woman named Sam, but she resists, which leads to the Savior’s capture and incarceration.

Three years later, Sam struggles to put the traumatic event behind her. She copes by leading a support group for abused women. She also has a nice boyfriend, but is scared to become physically intimate with him. Soon, a Savior copycat begins murdering women and Sam becomes his target.

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Electronic Lover

December 12, 2016 at 1:58 am (3 Heads, Electronic Lover) (, , )

Electronic Lover – 1966 – United States

A man named Master lives in a room with a mainframe computer. The room has curtains for walls, so it might be a tent. He gives his mute servant (named Brother) a portable camera and orders him to spy on women. Brother takes the camera around the city and records women undressing, taking showers, and having sex. Master watches the camera’s wireless feed. Dripping sweat and never blinking, he raves about beautiful women and verbally abuses Brother. Occasionally, he takes breaks to ruminate about love, have vivid sexual hallucinations, make out with his reflection in a mirror, and practice archery. After watching some people frolic naked through the woods, Master sobs and calls for his mother. Then he stabs himself to death with an arrow.

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Zombie Bloodbath 2

October 8, 2016 at 3:22 am (3 Heads, Zombie Bloodbath 2) (, , , )

Zombie Bloodbath 2 – 1995 – United States

Topeka, Kansas 1945: Satanic cultists crucify a man and then make him into a human scarecrow.

Topeka, Kansas present day: Escaped convicts take a jacket from the cursed scarecrow and awaken an army of zombies as heavy metal music plays. The convicts struggle to survive along with some college students, some little girls, and a member of the U.S. Special Forces. The motley survivors flee from an isolated farmhouse to a deli where they are assaulted by redneck serial killers. Eventually, the survivors find vials of flesh-eating bacteria improbably left in an old pick up truck. They splash these on the zombie horde, killing most of the zombies and themselves. The last woman is killed by a face-devouring kiss from her newly undead boyfriend.

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Drive-In Massacre

July 17, 2016 at 8:58 pm (3 Heads, Drive-In Massacre) (, , , )

Drive-In Massacre – 1977 – United States

A sword-wielding maniac beheads people at a drive-in theater. Two pudgy middle-aged police detectives investigate. The theater was built on the site of a carnival and is staffed by former carnies, but this fact is irrelevant to the plot. The detectives unsuccessfully question a series of mean, seedy, or pathetic suspects. The theater manager cruelly abuses his staff. A peeping tom cracks during interrogation and admits, “I just wanted to beat my meat!” An imbecilic janitor gets fired for helping the detectives. At the plot’s climax, the killer commits a daring murder in the theater’s projection booth. He is never caught and his identity is never revealed. Before the credits, a message warns viewers to be careful while attending drive-in theaters.

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