The Raiders of Atlantis

July 1, 2018 at 10:28 pm (3 Heads, Raiders of Atlantis) (, , , )

The Raiders of Atlantis – 1983 – Italy/Philippines

In the future year of 1994, American scientists accidentally raise the continent of Atlantis. The Atlanteans are Road Warrior-type freaks who wear spiked leather and drive motorcycles with blades on them. With axes, machine guns, and grenades, they attack the Caribbean islands, kill everyone, and turn the cities to scorched ruins. Two American mercenaries team up with a bunch of hapless victims and fight back with guns and Molotov cocktails.

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Spirit Warrior

July 1, 2018 at 10:17 pm (3 Heads, Spirit Warrior) (, , , , , , )

Spirit Warrior – 1988 – Japan

Spirit Warrior (a.k.a. Peacock King) is a series of five episodic anime movies. This review covers Spirit Warrior: Revival of Evil and Spirit Warrior: Regent of Darkness since these two episodes form a single story arc.

In an alternate modern day reality, the Nazis have risen again and possibly taken over America. Lead by Fuhrer Siegfried, they fly around the world in their zeppelin (the Hindenberg) in pursuit of an artifact called the Dragon Orb. This orb, which is actually a skull, can apparently “engulf the world in darkness”. Kujaku, a Buddhist exorcist, joins forces with some Tibetan monks to stop the Nazis. Kujaku and his allies travel between Japan, America, Germany, and Tibet. Along the way, Kujaku discovers he is the reincarnation of the “god of light”, and his long lost twin sister is the goddess of darkness. The story ends with Kujaku and his sister in a spiritual battle for the fate of the world. After reconciling their differences, they both die.

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Wishbone

May 7, 2018 at 12:16 am (3 Heads, Wishbone) (, )

Wishbone – 2000 – United States

Laurie is given an antique “wishbone” as a graduation present. What is a wishbone? It’s a magical statue made of orange plastic and covered with miniature skulls. If a person holds the wishbone and makes a wish, the wish comes true but a random person dies. After Laurie’s friends make a bunch of wishes, men in black hoods drive hearses into town and start stabbing people. Laurie defeats these demonic interlopers by wishing them out of existence. It’s that easy.

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The Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy

February 14, 2018 at 2:46 am (3 Heads, Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy) (, , , , , )

The Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy – 1958 – Mexico

The Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy is a sequel to The Aztec Mummy (1957) and Curse of the Aztec Mummy (1957). It features the same actors and characters, and includes an extensive flashback of footage from its prequels. Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy is set five years after Curse of the Aztec Mummy. The Bat, a super scientist and super criminal, still needs money for his animal/human vivisection experiments. His plan, like usual, is to steal the Aztec Mummy’s priceless breastplate. To defeat the invulnerable undead monster, The Bat creates robot with a human head. The robot can shoot atomic rays, but has to move really slowly because it has no knees. Watching the Aztec Mummy smash the pathetic robot to pieces is a delight. Dr. Eduardo Almada, the heroic scientist from the other Aztec Mummy films, appears but doesn’t do much other than talk.

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Up For Rent

October 28, 2017 at 8:54 pm (3 Heads, Up For Rent) (, , )

Up For Rent – 2006 – United States

Up for Rent is a horror anthology about an evil apartment. As the realtor shows the apartment to a couple, she has flashbacks about its previous tenants who have all been serial killers, necrophiliacs, spouse abusers, alcoholics, and other sorts of degenerates.

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The Crate

September 25, 2017 at 12:00 am (3 Heads, Crate, The) (, )

The Crate – 2007 – United States

While fishing, some yokels reel in a wooden crate from 1775. When they open it, a horned demon materializes and attacks. Some of the yokels survive. One is the town’s mayor who covers up the incident to prevent mass hysteria. When the killings continue in a local park, two police detectives, some young people, and a news anchorman investigate. The result is a bloodbath as the demon rends people with its claws, controls people’s minds, and yanks out their still-beating hearts. Eventually, after being shot numerous times, the demon is killed by a blow from a gardening hoe. Go figure.

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Brain of Blood

September 24, 2017 at 11:39 pm (3 Heads, Brain of Blood) (, , , , )

Brain of Blood – 1971 – United States

In the fictional Muslim nation of Kalid, the benevolent leader Amir is on his deathbed. His doctor and his much younger wife take him to America to undergo an experimental brain transplant. It’s too bad that Dr. Trenton, the surgeon behind the transplant, is nefarious and totally insane. He lives with a dwarf and a deformed giant named Gor. He keeps a young girl chained up in his dungeon and drains her blood. And, of course, he screws up the transplant operation. Amir’s brain ends up in Gor’s body. When Amir recovers, he goes on a homicidal rampage. Eventually, Dr. Trenton neutralizes him with a ray gun. In the downbeat ending, the doctor controls Amir and takes over Kalid from behind the scenes.

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Dark Cat

August 13, 2017 at 6:34 pm (3 Heads, Dark Cat) (, , , , )

Dark Cat – Japan – 1991

Teenagers Hyoi and Ryoi are sibling “Dark Cats”—cat shapeshifters with spiritual magic. After transferring to a new high school, the Dark Cats sense an evil presence. Their old master (an ogre-like Dark Cat) has turned bad and is using the negative energy of teenage emotions to transform students into monsters. A young girl, depressed by her unrequited love, becomes an amorphous mass of writhing eyeball-studded tendrils. Hyoi and Ryoi use their magic and martial arts to destroy her.

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Panic

July 2, 2017 at 8:31 pm (3 Heads, Panic) (, , , )

Panic – 1982 – Italy/Spain

An experiment goes awry and a scientist is infected by a deadly bacteria. He degenerates into a freakish mutant and stalks the streets of a small Italian town. A corporation and the government try to conceal the accident. They quarantine the town and debate whether to kill all the inhabitants with nerve gas. A special agent for the military (named Captain Kirk of all things) is sent in to find and kill the mutant before the creature can spread its infection. He teams up with a sexy lady scientist, but surprisingly, they don’t hook up unless I fell asleep and missed it. In the end, the mutant is killed and the town is spared the horrors of nerve gas. After the credits, a message says, “What you have seen might really happen… Perhaps it already has.”

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How to Make a Doll

May 21, 2017 at 6:18 pm (3 Heads, How to Make a Doll) (, , )

How to Make a Doll – 1968 – United States

Percy Corley is a scientist who is scared of women. He lives with his mother and drives an Isetta (like Steve Urkel from Family Matters). With another scientist named Hamilcar West, he programs a computer (with a punched card reader) to create beautiful subservient girlfriends. With a puff of smoke, nymphomaniac babes in underwear and high heels pop out of the computer and make out with the scientists. Getting tired of that, Hamilcar (somehow) transfers his mind into the computer and (somehow) teaches Percy to be a chick magnet. Percy balls women until he is sick of it and then settles down with a nice girl.

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