Death Rage

December 11, 2017 at 12:38 am (5 Heads, Death Rage) (, , , , , )

Death Rage – Italy – 1976

Peter Marciani is a New York hitman who comes out of retirement for one last job. On a mission to assassinate the mobster who killed his brother, Peter travels to to Naples, Italy. There he joins forces with a small time crook and shacks up with a stripper. In pursuit of his target, Peter kills various mobsters and has hallucinatory visions of his brother’s death. To stop the visions, he visits an optometrist and insists on a prescription for eye drops. The doctor gives Peter the drops, even though the hallucinations are obviously psychotic in nature. Eventually, Peter gets revenge by sniping his brother’s killer, but is killed in the resulting shootout.

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Dragon Princess

July 31, 2017 at 12:36 am (5 Heads, Dragon Princess) (, , , , , )

Dragon Princess – 1976 – Japan

Kazuma (played by Sonny Chiba) is a karate instructor in Tokyo. Assassins, hired by a rival instructor, attack Kazuma in front of his young daughter, Yumi. He survives with a crippled arm and a missing eye, but flees Japan to protect Yumi. Living in a seedy Manhattan apartment (these probably don’t exist in real life), Kazuma is a drunk who only cares about getting revenge and training Yumi in karate. He berates her, beats her, and makes her stand in the snow with bare feet. When Yumi writes in her diary, “I hope I never hear the word ‘karate’ again!”, Kazuma is somehow surprised.

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The Wraith

July 2, 2017 at 8:20 pm (7 Heads, Wraith, The) (, , , , , , , , )

The Wraith – 1986 – United States

In a small Arizona town, teen drag racers run amok. They have names like Skank, Rughead, and Gutterboy. They huff paint, molest girls, steal cars, commit murder, and generally act like pricks. One of their victims returns from the grave for revenge. He wears a futuristic jumpsuit, drives a futuristic car (the “Turbo Interceptor”), shoots a futuristic shotgun, and can transform into a comet. He seems like an alien invader, but actually he’s a ghost. The ghost challenges each of the drag racing gangsters and then kills them in head-on collisions. The police try ineffectually to stop him. There is a romance between the ghost and his old girlfriend. In the end, after exacting bloody revenge, the ghost turns human and gets another chance at life.

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Golgo 13: The Professional

May 21, 2017 at 6:26 pm (8 Heads, Golgo 13: The Professional) (, , , , , )

Golgo 13: The Professional – 1983 – Japan

Golgo 13 is a legendary hitman with a perfect track record. Leonard Dawson is a Texas oil baron who targets Golgo 13 after he assassinates Dawson’s son. To do the job, Dawson hires the FBI, the CIA, the Pentagon, and some demented assassins named Snake, Gold, and Silver. He wants Golgo 13 dead even if he must “destroy a few cities in the process”. He instructs his assassins, “Rip out [Golgo 13’s] brains and throw them on the floor!” While thwarting these killers, Golgo 13 travels to Sicily, San Francisco, and the Amazon. At various points, he is hired by a priest to kill a Mafia don, and a concentration camp survivor to kill an ex-Nazi. In the end, it is revealed that Dawson’s dead son himself hired Golgo 13 as an act of suicide. Dawson despondently leaps from a window, splattering gorily on the ground.

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Highlander: The Search for Vengeance

January 5, 2017 at 2:49 am (6 Heads, Highlander: Search for Vengeance) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Highlander: The Search for Vengeance – 2007 – Japan/United States

During the Roman invasion of Britain in the 1st century AD, a Briton named Colin becomes immortal after imbibing a magic potion. He no longer ages and cannot be killed except by decapitation. When the Roman general Marcus Octavius (also an immortal) kills Colin’s wife, Colin begins a campaign of vengeance lasting two thousand years. Marcus resurfaces in various historical epochs as an authoritarian leader, and Colin unsuccessfully tries to kill him each time. They duel as samurai in medieval Japan, and dogfight in planes during World War II. Eventually, Colin encounters Marcus again in post-apocalyptic New York in the year 2187 AD. Marcus has become ruler of a high-tech enclave and Colin leads a group of guerilla fighters to destroy him. Colin finally manages to kill him, but only after falling in love and realizing the pointlessness of revenge.

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Five Elements Ninjas

November 29, 2016 at 4:03 am (7 Heads, Five Element Ninja) (, , , , , )

Five Elements Ninjas – 1982 – Hong Kong

A Chinese martial arts school is destroyed by Japanese ninjas. The lone survivor of the massacre learns ninjutsu and abandons his honor to get revenge. That is the whole plot.

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Scarlet Fry’s Junkfood Horrorfest

May 31, 2016 at 12:06 am (1 Head, Scarlet Fry's Junkfood Horrorfest) (, , , , , )

Scarlet Fry’s Junkfood Horrorfest – 2007 – United States

Scarlet Fry’s Junkfood Horrorfest is a horror anthology hosted by a hillbilly zombie who makes stupid jokes and chains women to a tree. In the prologue, a desperate junkie beats her dealer to death with a tire iron. She is upset because her dealer gave her a VHS tape of Junkfood Horrorfest instead of drugs. I kind of understand how she feels.

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Dead is Dead

March 18, 2016 at 3:39 am (3 Heads, Dead is Dead) (, , , )

Dead is Dead – 1992 – United States

While wandering the site of burned down hospital, a junkie gets his arm torn off by a zombie-like monster. A nurse, also wandering the area, gives the junkie an experimental drug called Doxitol. The drug regrows his arm and makes him unkillable. The junkie sells the Doxitol to a drug dealer but gets ripped off. The junkie then sets out to recover the Doxitol and get revenge.

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Crippled Avengers

January 18, 2016 at 1:57 am (9 Heads, Crippled Avengers) (, , , , , )

Crippled Avengers – 1978 – Hong Kong

Thugs invade a nobleman’s house and sever his son’s arms. Following the incident, the nobleman outfits his son with mechanical arms and trains him in martial arts. When the training is complete, the sadistic nobleman captures the thugs’ sons, and lets his son cripple each of them. All of this occurs in Crippled Avengers’ first five minutes.

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The Brainiac (El barón del terror)

October 27, 2015 at 2:31 am (3 Heads, Brainiac, The) (, , , , )

The Brainiac – 1962 – Mexico

Mexico City 1661, a sorcerous baron is burned alive by the Inquisition. As a comet flies past, he curses those who condemned him. When the comet returns in three hundred years, the baron will have his revenge. In 1961, the comet lands in Mexico City. The baron steps out to begin a murderous campaign on the inquisitors’ descendents. He uses magic to turn invisible and hypnotically seduce ladies. Also, for some reason, he transforms into a hairy bat-like monster with a bulging head. With his forked prehensile tongue, he drills through his victims’ skulls and sucks out their brains.

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