Blood Cult

April 30, 2017 at 10:07 pm (4 Heads, Blood Cult) (, , , )

Blood Cult – 1985 – United States

Four sorority girls are eviscerated by a cleaver-wielding murderer. The investigating sheriff links the murders to a witchcraft cult, then discovers the killer cultist is his own daughter. Wearing a severed dog’s head as mask, she kills her boyfriend and then leaps off a building. Sorry if this plot summary is vague. The DVD I watched had no sound for the last 30 minutes so I had to make a few things up.

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Hawk the Slayer

April 17, 2017 at 1:48 am (6 Heads, Hawk the Slayer) (, , , )

Hawk the Slayer – 1980 – England

A noble swordsman named Hawk battles his deformed brother Voltan to save a kidnapped priestess. Hawk wields the “mindsword” which he controls telekentically. It has a glowing fist for a pommel. He teams up with a giant, an elf, a blind witch, a guy with a semi-automatic crossbow, and a conniving dwarf. Impressively, the dwarf fishes by slapping fish out of a lake with his whip. In the climactic showdown, Voltan is killed but is resurrected by an evil ghost. A sequel is suggested but hasn’t materialized.

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Before I Die

April 17, 2017 at 1:46 am (4 Heads, Before I Die) (, , , )

Before I Die – 2003 – United States

Before I Die
is a horror anthology movie about a horror writer (with an interesting regional accent) who is writing a short story collection. One story is about a nymphomaniac who transforms into a humanoid spider and devours her sex partners. Approaching her victims, she licks her lips salaciously and says, “I love men. Yummy!” Another story is about some newlyweds at a haunted resort. Mostly they have sex in various swimming pools, but a ghost eventually appears. The last story is about a woman being killed by an asylum escapee. The movie ends with the writer becoming so entranced with his own horror fantasies that he inadvertently murders his wife.

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The Beastmaster

March 21, 2017 at 2:06 am (9 Heads, Beastmaster) (, , , )

The Beastmaster – 1982 – United States

In a sorcerous ritual, a human baby named Dar is birthed from the womb of a cow. He grows into a young warrior with a telepathic connection to animals. After barbarian raiders destroy his village, he sets out for revenge. Along the way, he befriends a falcon, a black tiger, and two super-cute ferrets called Kodo and Podo. With his sword, collapsible boomerang, and animal menagerie, he frees a city enslaved by an evil priest and finds true love.

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Dead 7

March 21, 2017 at 2:02 am (2 Heads, Dead 7) (, , , )

Dead 7 – 2000 – United States

Two meth dealers murder a deaf homeless kid by shoving him down a mineshaft. He rises as a zombie and kills the dealers and their girlfriends. Also involved is a corrupt cop (played by the director) and the homeless kid’s demented sister named Venus Equinox.

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Child Bride

March 21, 2017 at 1:55 am (1 Head, Child Bride) (, , )

Child Bride – 1938 – United States

This film is tasteless and disturbing.

On Thunderhead Mountain in the Ozarks, “back yonder folk” live in rustic squalor. They wear rags and sleep in shacks. Their only fun is to go swimming or drink corn liquor. Their one room schoolhouse has pigeons in the rafters that defecate on the students. It is tradition for the community’s men to marry “young ‘uns” since “there ain’t enough women”. A (comparatively) cosmopolitan teacher moves into town. She campaigns against child marriage and is nearly tarred and feathered for it. One man wants to marry a particular 11-year-old girl. He murders the girl’s father and blackmails her mother until she consents to the marriage. Thankfully, he is shot to death before the marriage can be consummated. Eventually, child marriage is made illegal.

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Hollywood Vampyr

March 9, 2017 at 1:39 am (4 Heads, Hollywood Vampyr) (, )

Hollywood Vampyr – 2002- United States

Hollywood Vampyr is set in the Los Angeles goth scene. The story details a power struggle between two “coven” leaders called Anubus (not Anubis) and Blood. They open competing goth nightclubs, but their rivalry isn’t about business. Anubus strives to create an inclusive goth scene, celebrating the individuality of its members. Meanwhile, Blood’s morbid philosophy and violent attitude isolates the goths from the outside world and leads to the suicide of two young women. Caught in the middle of the conflict is Fatal (a pregnant woman) and Tom (who just discovered he is gay).

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Invitation

March 9, 2017 at 1:32 am (4 Heads, Invitation) (, , , )

Invitation – 2003 – United States

Some kids are playing sandlot baseball. During the game, a dorky fat kid runs into the street and is killed by a truck. Years later, the other kids become adults and are invited to a mysterious reunion. They spend the weekend at a spooky inn run by a sinister caretaker. The inn is haunted by ghostly children. The guests drink beer, roast marshmallows, and swap childhood anecdotes. One by one, they are tormented and murdered by the ghosts. After everyone dies, it is revealed that the ghost of the dorky fat kid did it all for revenge.

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Manborg

February 18, 2017 at 11:56 pm (8 Heads, Manborg) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Manborg – 2011 – United States

Following the Hell Wars, Nazi vampires from Hell (who look like cenobites from Hellraiser) enslave humanity. Manborg is a cyborg gladiator incarcerated by the vampires in a high-tech prison. He teams up with Justice (a wise-cracking Australian), Mina (a blue-haired girl who looks like an anime character), and #1 Man (a martial artist) to destroy Count Draculon and his legions of vampires, mutants, and robots.

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Horror Express

February 18, 2017 at 11:52 pm (7 Heads, Horror Express) (, , , , , , )

Horror Express – 1972 – England/Spain

In the year 1906, an English anthropologist finds the “missing link” in a Manchurian cave. He is traveling with the specimen on the Trans-Siberian Express when the creature comes to life and prowls the train. Whoever meets its glowing red gaze dies suddenly. Their eyes turn white and (an autopsy reveals) their brains become completely smooth. It turns out that the creature is actually inhabited by an alien parasite made of pure energy. The alien steals people’s memories in hopes of gaining the scientific know-how to get home.

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