How to Make a Doll

May 21, 2017 at 6:18 pm (3 Heads, How to Make a Doll) (, , )

How to Make a Doll – 1968 – United States

Percy Corley is a scientist who is scared of women. He lives with his mother and drives an Isetta (like Steve Urkel from Family Matters). With another scientist named Hamilcar West, he programs a computer (with a punched card reader) to create beautiful subservient girlfriends. With a puff of smoke, nymphomaniac babes in underwear and high heels pop out of the computer and make out with the scientists. Getting tired of that, Hamilcar (somehow) transfers his mind into the computer and (somehow) teaches Percy to be a chick magnet. Percy balls women until he is sick of it and then settles down with a nice girl.

How to Make a Doll is a dumb sex comedy produced, written, and directed by Herschell Gordon Lewis. It’s not particularly sexy. There is no nudity and the only sex is depicted as a pencil going in a pencil sharpener. The characters kiss like how I imagine dogs kissing. The film is not particularly funny either. Percy’s mom has a really awful haircut. The computer makes eating and defecating noises as it works. And here’s an example of the wacky unfunny dialogue: “Making love is like eating olives—it gets better every time. Come to think of it, it’s even better than eating olives. You don’t have to spit out the pits!” What does that even mean?

How to Make a Doll does have visionary sci-fi ideas though. In the 1960s, when computers were basically calculators, Herschell Gordon Lewis imagined 3D printing women out of biological material. I was also surprised when Hamilcar digitizes his consciousness and stores it in the computer. Most sci-fi writers wouldn’t explore these ideas for another thirty years.

Rating: 3/10 Shrunken Heads. You might think Hamilcar isn’t a real name, but it was actually very common in ancient Carthage.

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