May 31, 2015 at 8:58 pm (5 Heads, Coach) (, , , , , )

Coach – 1978 – United States

is set in an unrealistic high school full of romantically aggressive girls, outspoken sexist boys, and pathetic dweeby nerds. The chauvinist principal accidentally hires a female coach (who is also an Olympic medalist) for the boys’ basketball team. To avoid being fired, the coach must lead her team to victory in every game without fail, all while enduring audacious sexual harassment. Then again, she provokes this by wearing shorts that her ass cheeks hang out of, and also by having sex with one of her students. Eventually, the coach transforms her mediocre team into champions, and earns the love and admiration of everyone.

The description above makes Coach sound like a sexy comedy. While there are (stupid and unfunny) jokes, Coach strives to be a drama. Unfortunately, its theme of overcoming sexism is undermined by rampant sexist exploitation. The beautiful coach is meant to titillate as much as inspire, evidenced by her sexual romance with a student. Coach never ponders the possible complications of this relationship—although, before the couple has sex for the first time, they share an apple, possibly representing “forbidden fruit”. Coach is obviously indulging the fantasies of high school boys, but what do you expect from a film distributed by the sleazy Crown International Pictures?

The focus of Coach is on its sweet and sizzling romance, but there is some basketball too. The coach’s team does indeed win the championship, but only by hypnotizing a player to believe he is Sydney Wicks, the four time NBA All-Star. The climax is a slow motion slam dunk montage set to triumphant music, after which the team hoists the coach on their shoulders and everyone shouts “We’re number one!” I think Coach’s funky soulful theme song best summarizes the film: “If you think your coach is better than ours, it only proves that you’re dumb, chump! She’s got smarts! She’s got heart! And she looks like a movie star!”

Rating: 5/10 Shrunken Heads. Look forward to the cameo by the real life Sydney Wicks.


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