Candy Von Dewd

May 9, 2015 at 3:41 pm (5 Heads, Candy Von Dewd) (, , , )

Candy Von Dewd – 2002 – United States

In the future, “Testicles are shrinking. Sperm count is negative.” Mankind inexplicably becomes impotent, so astronauts wander the stars looking for sexually compatible aliens to bear children. They reach a planet where Amazons (called “Zons”) dance erotically in clingy vinyl outfits. The astronauts take drugs (actually Sour Patch Kids) that make them fertile but kill them after sex. The astronauts copulate with the Zons. However, since the Zons do not have wombs, the astronauts die pointlessly. The lone surviving astronaut finds a monstrous plant to screw, hopefully impregnating it. Since you are probably wondering, Candy Von Dewd is the name of a lady secret agent who wears outrageous sexy clothes and recites her cheery lines with a British accent. Her role is mostly irrelevant.

Candy Von Dewd has virtually no plot. Its 55 minute running time is almost entirely composed of filler. Coherent scenes are scattered thinly among lengthy montages of hypnotic psychedelic effects. The tiny fragments of narrative come from sparse dialogue which is surreal and full of jargon. Candy Von Dewd is more akin to a music video than a narrative film, but it is still kind of enthralling. The homemade sets, costumes, and special effects are endearingly imaginative, and their abundance provides spectacle.

Rating: 5/10 Shrunken Heads. Despite its sexy premise, Candy Von Dewd has almost no nudity and the sex is only gently suggested. However, there are film clips of a baby being born and a porno.

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